The head of our IT department accidentally locked himself out of his own admin account and had to call an external consultant.

I eat raw cookie dough straight from the tub while watching reality TV drama.

I replaced my roommates shampoo with one that makes you smell like a beach resort instead of fresh.

I passed my exam on the first try and kept it to myself for years before anyone knew.

My old college roommate is now a famous tech founder, and our old text chats feel like a bizarre alternate reality.

My ex sent me a 4-page apology letter. I graded it in red pen for grammatical errors and mailed it back to his parents’ house.

I still watch animated cartoons from the 90s on Saturday mornings with a giant bowl of sugary cereal.

I keep the gift cards you gave me because they remind me of everything we used to do together.

I am glad you moved on and found someone better, even though it completely shattered my world when you left.

I still have your favorite coffee mug sitting on my shelf, chipped handle and all, and I refuse to throw it away.

My best friend’s fiancé kissed me in the elevator at her engagement party. He whispered "it should have been you" and I haven’t been able to sleep since.

Every person I have ever truly loved has eventually moved away or cut ties with me. At this point, I think I am the common denominator.

I found a hidden camera inside an alarm clock in our vacation rental. Instead of calling the police right away, I unplugged it and took the SD card with me.

I have a macro set up on my keyboard that instantly types out professional-sounding feedback for code reviews without me reading them.

I buy the cheap boxed wine and pour it into an expensive glass bottle when guests come over. They always compliment it.