I make excuses to walk past your desk just to smell the cologne you wear.

I am glad you found someone who treats you right, even if it took me breaking your heart to realize how.

I pretend to be bad at video games so you can carry me through the team matches and feel proud.

A driver cut me off and flipped me off, so I memorized his license plate and signed him up for free pest control quotes.

My coworker constantly leaves his dirty coffee mug in the sink until it grows mold, so I threw the mug away in the dumpster.

I told my nephew that dogs are actually cats in disguise, and now he looks at every dog with intense suspicion.

My roommate throws massive parties without warning, so I set an automated alarm on his smart speaker for 6:00 AM every Sunday.

I buy the cheap boxed wine and pour it into an expensive glass bottle when guests come over. They always compliment it.

I've secretly been a fan of your art since you started making videos three years ago.

When someone tailgates me dangerously close on the highway, I turn on my windshield washers to spray their clean car.

The entire human resources department is currently divided into two opposing political factions over remote work policies.

I told my cat a massive lie about feeding time being delayed just to buy myself ten more minutes in bed.

My coworker always microwaves stinky fish in the breakroom, so I hid a tiny Bluetooth speaker playing crickets inside the cabinet.

I used a fake name and burner email to critique my company management on an anonymous forum.

A neighbor leaves his trash cans out blocking the sidewalk all week, so I started putting bricks inside them to make them heavy.