I hid their spare key in a place they would never think to look and then laughed when they couldnt get in.

I replaced my roommates shampoo with one that makes you smell like a beach resort instead of fresh.

I told my cat he had to pay rent in mouse catches, and he stared at me blankly before demanding wet food.

I let my teacher praise me for a group project where I did literally zero percent of the work.

I’ve had a massive crush on our neighborhood pest control guy for two years. I report fake ant sightings every spring just to watch him walk up the driveway.

I really fucking hate my job, but its the best money I can make in my area without making a gamble on college.

I live two completely different lives depending on whether anyone can find me through social media.

I submitted my resignation two weeks ago, and my manager still hasn't noticed because he never checks his email.

My hometown looks completely unrecognizable now with all the new strip malls, and I feel like a tourist where I grew up.

I listen to epic fantasy battle orchestrations while filling out boring spreadsheets at work to feel like a wizard.

I confessed my feelings to my best friend three years ago. She laughed it off as a joke. I’m still in love with her, and I was the best man at her wedding last month.

I use my kid's fancy bath bombs when they go to sleep and take long, luxurious baths while eating ice cream.

I am glad you found someone who treats you right, even if it took me losing you to realize my mistakes.

I told my dog he was getting a special treat, and then gave him a single piece of regular kibble. He looked betrayed.

My childhood treehouse rotted away completely, taking the last physical symbol of my childhood adventures with it.