I accidentally dropped my phone into my pool while taking a selfie. I told my husband it was stolen at the mall so he’d upgrade me to the newest model.

I rejected a management promotion because it meant I would have to stop taking afternoon naps while working from home.

When my college group chat stopped responding to my updates, I finally took the hint and muted it forever.

I told my gym trainer I do meal prep every Sunday, but my "meal prep" is just ordering 5 days worth of takeout.

I took credit for an open-source bug fix that a stranger wrote on GitHub because my manager was threatening to put me on a performance plan.

I found a lost smartphone at the park, turned it off, and kept it in my drawer for a month before throwing it away.

I threw away a box of letters from them but kept the envelope because the date was meaningful.

I eat raw cookie dough straight from the tube while binge-watching trashy reality TV dating shows on Sunday nights.

I’ve been having a secret affair with the HOA president for six months. My driveway repaving request was approved in under four minutes.

I eat a bowl of instant ramen with American cheese melted into it when nobody else is home to judge me.

I was the one who convinced them not to hire you. I was just too jealous of how easily everything came to you.

My old childhood neighborhood is filled with new modern houses now, erasing every memory marker of my youth.

I found out my husband has been secretly funding his ex-wife’s business venture. I transferred half of our joint savings into a private high-yield account this morning.

I spend way too much money on custom mechanical keyboard switches that no one else will ever see or care about.

I want to reach out to you so badly, but I respect your boundaries too much to ruin your peace again.