I let my group take a bad grade on a presentation because I refused to cover for their missing sections.

I told my cat he had a meeting with the mouse union today to explain why my floors aren't clean yet.

I found a wallet with more money than I have earned and I returned it without keeping any.

My parents told everyone my brother won a science fair, but my dad built 90% of the volcano project the night before.

I negotiated a $20k raise simply by pretending I had a competing offer from another firm.

I am glad you found someone who treats you right, even if it took me losing you to realize my mistakes.

I eat shredded cheddar cheese straight out of the bag at 2:00 AM while standing in front of the open fridge light.

I keep my bedroom completely dark during the day because sunlight makes my depressive thoughts feel too loud.

My husband thinks he’s the top partner at his law firm because of his sharp mind. He doesn’t know I’ve been entertaining the senior partner’s wife for two years.

I hid their spare key in a place they would never think to look and then laughed when they couldnt get in.

Our department head uses a Magic 8-Ball toy on his desk to make final decisions on project approvals.

I broke my friend's favorite collectible figurine while dusting and blamed it on an earthquake.

My neighbor threatened to call the HOA on my dog. I found his burner Reddit account where he asks for advice on how to hide a $40k gambling addiction from his wife.

My parents think I sold my old trading cards for $100. I sold them for $4,500 and paid off my tuition balance.

I change the radio station whenever love songs play because they always make me think of your smile.