When they said something wrong, I pretended not to notice and kept smiling so no one would know I knew.

I eat frozen waffles straight out of the freezer without toasting them because I am too lazy to wait two minutes.

I still keep your old voice messages on an external hard drive just so I never forget the cadence of your laughter.

My ex-fiancé tried to sue me for the ring back after he cheated. I sold it to a pawn shop, bought a fake replica on Amazon, and handed him the box in court.

Our office manager caught two employees locked inside the supply room after hours and pretended she didn't see anything.

I listen to 10-hour loops of medieval tavern music while doing my weekly household chores.

I know my dad isn't my biological father, but he has been so good to me that I will never tell him I found out.

My upstairs neighbor stomps around at 3 AM, so I blast whale mating sounds through my ceiling bluetooth speaker.

I have been claiming to know things that I never learned until someone asked me directly.

My coworker constantly steals my highlighters, so I bought ones that smell like stinky cheese and left them out on purpose.

I overheard HR discussing upcoming layoffs during lunch, and I've already applied to five competitors.

I told my parents I was staying at a hotel during my divorce proceedings. I was actually sleeping on a couch in my office building for three weeks.

I let my group take the bad grade on a project because I refused to fix their lazy mistakes at the last minute.

I still keep your contact saved under a fake name just in case you ever decide to text me out of nowhere.

I never got to say goodbye to my grandfather before he passed away, and it haunts me during quiet evenings.