I used an alias on my professional portfolio website so my current employer wouldn't find out I am freelancing.

I told my partner I don't know how to operate the dishwasher so they would always load it themselves.

I act like I don't care about milestones, but deep down it hurts seeing everyone around me get married and buy homes.

I negotiated a fully remote contract by bluffing that another company had already sent me an offer letter.

Our team lead hasn't written a single line of code in three months; we have been secretly covering for him.

A guy cut me off at a four-way stop, so I drove 15 miles under the speed limit directly in front of him until he turned.

My grandfather left his entire coin collection to me instead of my greedy uncles, and I hid it under my floorboards.

I used a fake name and burner email to critique my company management on an anonymous forum.

I have a macro set up on my keyboard that instantly types out professional-sounding feedback for code reviews without me reading them.

My coworker always microwaves stinky fish in the breakroom, so I hid a tiny Bluetooth speaker playing crickets inside the cabinet.

My neighbor boasts that her husband built their luxury pergola with his bare hands. I watched the professional construction crew do it while she was at brunch.

I clock in before driving to work. That way I get paid to get there
It's a 2hr drive

I keep a list on my phone of every movie recommendation you ever gave me, even the ones I already watched.

My old college apartment building was torn down for luxury condos, and a tiny piece of my youth went with it.

My childhood treehouse rotted away completely, taking the last physical symbol of my childhood adventures with it.