My parents think I’m an engineer in Silicon Valley. I got laid off two years ago and have been making six figures running a network of drama channels.

I pretend I hate being single, but the peace and quiet in my apartment is the best feeling in the world.

I make up random excuses to walk past your department just to catch a glimpse of your desk setup.

My roommate throws massive parties without warning, so I set an automated alarm on his smart speaker for 6:00 AM every Sunday.

I pretend to be bad at video games so you can carry me through the team matches and feel proud.

I kept your old hoodie, and on cold winter nights, it still smells faintly like your laundry detergent.

I clock in before driving to work. That way I get paid to get there
It's a 2hr drive

Nobody in my family knows that I am the one who paid off my sister's medical debt anonymously.

The last photo of us together shows that we were smiling but now everything has changed forever.

I told my nephew that goldfish crackers are actually miniature submarine snacks from the ocean, and he inspected every single one before eating it.

My grandmother's famous secret family recipe is literally just the recipe from the back of the Toll House bag.

The marketing department budget was completely wasted on an influencer campaign that brought in zero conversions.

I told my parents I would call every Sunday, but I was too depressed to make any calls.

Every person I have ever truly loved has eventually moved away or cut ties with me. At this point, I think I am the common denominator.

Our regional director has no idea how our software works and just nods along during technical roadmap presentations.