My friends believe I have always been there but the truth is I only show up when it is convenient.

I work for a company that makes money in ways I never agreed to but keep quiet about.

I have a macro set up on my keyboard that instantly types out professional-sounding feedback for code reviews without me reading them.

When they said something wrong, I pretended not to notice and kept smiling so no one would know I knew.

I remember every single small detail you mentioned about your childhood pet because you looked so happy talking about it.

I eat ice cream straight from the carton with a wooden spoon while hiding in my walk-in closet.

I buy the cheap boxed wine and pour it into an expensive glass bottle when guests come over. They always compliment it.

I hid their spare key in a place they would never think to look and then laughed when they couldnt get in.

I still keep your contact saved under a fake name just in case you ever decide to text me out of nowhere.

I found a diamond ring in a hotel room five years ago and sold it to pay my rent instead of turning it in.

My old neighborhood park looks smaller, older, and completely weathered down compared to how grand it felt in my childhood.

I started a completely new career path after quitting without telling anyone what really drove me.

I accidentally deleted my professor's lecture backup file and pretended the school server crashed.

I watch makeup tutorials for hours even though I wear zero makeup and have sensitive skin.

My coworker loves taking credit for group work, so I embedded a hidden typo in the presentation title slide specifically with his name on it.

The head of our IT department accidentally locked himself out of his own admin account and had to call an external consultant.

I accidentally told my crush about someone elses feelings during a group conversation but they seemed okay with it.

I feel like everyone around me has an instruction manual for life that I somehow missed receiving.

I lied on my resume about knowing advanced Excel formulas, then spent 8 hours watching tutorials before my first day.

I took a job title upgrade on paper even though it came with zero pay increase just so I could update my resume faster.