I live two completely different lives depending on whether anyone can find me through social media.

I’m a software team lead. I purposely gave my arrogant coworker the buggiest legacy codebase so he’d miss his quarterly performance metrics.

I eat raw cookie dough straight from the tub while watching reality TV drama on my phone.

The person everyone sees is a complete lie and the real me has been hiding in plain sight all along.

I’m a private chef for a wealthy family in town. The wife makes me add high-fat cream to her husband’s "diet" soups so he stays out of shape.

I buy the cheap boxed wine and pour it into an expensive glass bottle when guests come over. They always compliment it.

My parents think I am happily married, but we have been sleeping in separate bedrooms for the last three years.

I accidental logged into my boss’s Spotify account. His most-played playlist is called "Crying in the Parking Lot before 9 AM".

I wanted to tell you how proud I was of your new job today, but we don't speak to each other anymore.

I keep a list of your favorite books on my phone so I can read them and pretend we share the exact same literary taste.

I found out my husband’s "late night business meetings" were taking place in the parking lot of our neighborhood gym with my married personal trainer.

My dream is to write a book and I have been writing daily but never showing anyone what I do.

My coworker constantly borrows my phone charger and breaks the tips, so I glued a broken micro-USB tip inside the port.

I replaced my roommates shampoo with one that makes you smell like a beach resort instead of fresh.

My coworker gave me an ultimatum to confess my feelings or walk away. I walked away, but I check her Instagram story from a fake account every single night.