I make excuses to walk past your desk just to smell the cologne you wear.

I used to have a dream of becoming a professional dancer until one day at the studio...

I told my wife I lost my wedding ring while swimming at the beach, but I actually dropped it down the bathroom sink drain.

My mother thinks I lost her diamond earrings at a party. I actually sold them to pay off my college tuition balance when my financial aid fell through.

I found a stray dog, didn't look for the owners because he was so sweet, and told everyone I adopted him from a shelter.

I accidentally scratched a brand new luxury car in a parking lot and drove away because nobody was looking.

I forgave you years ago, not for your sake, but so I could finally sleep at night.

My mother-in-law gave me a hideous antique vase for our anniversary. I "accidentally" knocked it over with the vacuum cleaner while she was in the living room.

I accidentally told my crush about someone elses feelings during a group conversation but they seemed okay with it.

I use sarcasm as a defensive armor because I am terrified of letting anyone get close enough to hurt me.

I told my nephew that dogs are actually cats in disguise, and now he looks at every dog with intense suspicion.

I listen to epic fantasy battle orchestrations while filling out boring spreadsheets at work to feel like a wizard.

My boss knows I cry when watching movies, especially romantic comedies at work parties 😂

My parents think I am a vegetarian, but I secretly eat pepperoni pizza whenever I am on business trips.

I eat a whole jar of pickled jalapeño slices straight with a fork while standing over the kitchen sink.