I blamed heavy highway traffic for being 30 minutes late to dinner, but I was just sitting in my garage scrolling TikTok.

I keep a screenshot of our very first text conversation locked in a hidden folder on my phone.

My roommate always plays loud music past midnight, so I turned off the main circuit breaker from the hallway panel.

I pretend to be happy at every social event while secretly feeling like I could disappear.

I told my barber I liked the asymmetrical cut, then went home and cried while trying to fix it with kitchen scissors.

I took a job title upgrade on paper even though it came with zero pay increase just so I could update my resume faster.

I caught my best friend secretly liking another classmate and told everyone but never mentioned it to them.

Every person I have ever truly loved has eventually moved away or cut ties with me. At this point, I think I am the common denominator.

I used a fake name and burner email to critique my company's poor leadership policies on an anonymous feedback board.

I told my dog that mailman was a notorious criminal, and now he growls at every single delivery box that arrives.

A neighbor leaves his dog barking on the porch for hours, so I started playing high-frequency dog whistle sounds out my window.

I told the barista my name was "Max" just because I was too exhausted to spell my real name out for them.

I told my cat he was a very handsome boy, but he had a piece of litter stuck to his whiskers and looked ridiculous.

Your name is always the first thing I think of when my phone rings and there is no call.

I buy a coffee at 8:15 AM every morning just to see the barista smile at me for three seconds.