I act like the funny one in the friend group, but I use humor as a shield to hide my crippling anxiety.

The entire engineering floor has a running spreadsheet tracking which managers will get fired next during restructuring.

I built an entire automated script to handle my data entry job and spend the rest of my shift learning music production.

I saved a text message you sent me by mistake three years ago because it was the only time you initiated a conversation.

I rejected a higher offer from a top startup because their Glassdoor reviews warned about toxic micromanagement.

My senior developer copy-pastes entire chunks of code from AI and takes full credit. I quietly optimize his code at night so the site doesn’t crash.

My grandmother gave me her prized porcelain plates, and I accidentally chipped one while washing it the very next day.

I spend hours reading about historical royal scandals like a soap opera while ignoring my actual career work.

I put sriracha hot sauce on scrambled eggs, mac and cheese, and cold leftover pepperoni pizza.

I took a job in a completely different state just to escape the memories of a bad breakup.

I eat raw cookie dough straight from the tube while binge-watching trashy reality TV dating shows on Sunday nights.

My mother pretends she hates dogs, but she sneaks table scraps to our rescue mutt every single morning.

I used an alias on my professional portfolio website so my current employer wouldn't find out I am freelancing.

The moment I almost said yes to a terrible offer was when everything changed for the better in our lives.

I feel completely disconnected from my own body and life, like I am just watching myself play a video game.