I listen to 10-hour loops of medieval tavern music while doing my weekly household chores.

I overheard HR discussing upcoming layoffs during lunch, and I've already applied to five competitors.

My husband thinks I threw away his ratty college sweatshirt. I actually donated it to a thrift shop three towns over so he’d never find it again.

I eat a whole jar of pickled jalapeño slices straight with a fork while standing over the kitchen sink.

I found a dropped hundred-dollar bill at a grocery store and bought video games instead of turning it into customer service.

I smile and nod at parties, but inside I am mentally calculating how soon it is socially acceptable to go home.

When my high school group reunited last summer, I realized I had nothing in common with any of them anymore.

I am training for a marathon but no one knows because I want to surprise everyone at the finish line.

I’ve been pretending to hate my coworker’s favorite band for months just so we have a reason to banter every morning.

I convinced my neighborhood rival that a fake vintage decor shop was opening downtown. She drove two hours out of her way on opening day.

I browse real estate listings for multi-million dollar mansions in cities I will never visit just to daydream.

My parents think I am happily married, but we have been sleeping in separate bedrooms for the last three years.

My husband’s brother tried to hit on me at a bar when he was wasted and didn’t recognize me from behind. I took a video of the whole interaction.

I deleted my Facebook account because seeing people my age buying homes made me too depressed to function.

I am glad you moved on and found someone better, even though it completely shattered my world when you left.