I smile and nod at parties, but inside I am mentally calculating how soon it is socially acceptable to go home.

I listen to epic medieval battle music while scrubbing my kitchen counters on Sunday mornings.

I still celebrate your birthday quietly by myself every year with a single slice of your favorite cake.

I run the company’s social media account. I intentionally post subtle typos in the captions because engagement skyrockets in the comments when people correct me.

I eat spoonfuls of crunchy peanut butter mixed with maple syrup straight out of the jar while watching horror movies.

A neighbor leaves his dog barking on the porch for hours, so I started playing high-frequency dog whistle sounds out my window.

I know your exact commute schedule by heart and pretend to check my mail whenever your car passes my house.

I rejected a management promotion because it meant I would have to stop taking afternoon naps while working from home.

I finally deleted our photo album today. It didn't feel like closure, it just felt empty.

I hope you found the happiness you were looking for when you walked away from us.

The company executive team uses burner Slack accounts to monitor what employees say about upper management in public channels.

I told my dog that mailman was a notorious criminal, and now he growls at every single delivery box that arrives.

I submitted my resignation letter today after five miserable years, and the weight on my shoulders instantly vanished.

Our department manager takes credit for ideas generated entirely by our junior interns during weekly brainstorms.

When you mention your family, I get defensive even though you mean no harm.