I use ChatGPT to write 90% of my performance reviews for my team and no one has noticed yet.

I accidentally found out that our quietest software engineer is making double my salary because he negotiated hard during his hire.

I saw my coworker’s spouse on Hinge. I didn’t say anything, but I matched with them using a fake profile just to see how far they’d take it.

I learned how to play chess over the summer just so I would have an excuse to hang out with you more.

My childhood dog passed away while I was away at college, and my family buried him without letting me say goodbye.

I accidentally CC'd the entire executive leadership team on a email thread complaining about pointless meetings.

I am sorry I wasn't at the funeral. I just couldn't bear to see you look at me with so much disappointment.

I told my nephew that goldfish crackers are actually miniature submarine snacks from the ocean, and he inspected every single one before eating it.

My roommate hid the TV remote, so I downloaded an app that controls his smart bulb and turned his lights off during his game.

You were my best friend, and watching you walk away without a single word broke something in me.

I told everyone at the potluck I baked these lemon bars from scratch. They were $4 grocery store boxed mix.

My hometown looks completely unrecognizable now with all the new strip malls, and I feel like a tourist where I grew up.

I feel completely disconnected from my own body and life, like I am just watching myself play a video game.

I spend hours reading deep-dive internet threads about defunct shopping malls from the 1990s.

I am proud of the life you built without me, even if it hurts knowing I had to be left behind for it to happen.