My childhood playground was torn down and replaced by a concrete retention basin, erasing my favorite memories.

I told my barber I liked the asymmetrical cut, then went home and cried while trying to fix it with kitchen scissors.

I still have a folder on my phone saved with photos of us and I never delete them.

I told my gym trainer I do meal prep every Sunday, but my "meal prep" is just ordering 5 days worth of takeout.

I put sriracha hot sauce on scrambled eggs, mac and cheese, and cold leftover pepperoni pizza.

My parents think I stopped playing video games years ago, but I bought a handheld console and play under the covers.

I faked a family emergency to skip a mandatory corporate team-building retreat at a camp with no indoor plumbing.

I negotiated a $20k raise simply by pretending I had a competing offer from another firm.

I purposefully take the stairs down from the 4th floor every afternoon at 5:00 PM hoping we walk out together.

My parents still have my college diploma framed on the wall, but I never actually finished my final thesis paper.

Every time I look at old childhood photos, it feels like I am mourning people who are still very much alive.

I eat raw cookie dough straight from the tube while binge-watching trashy reality TV dating shows on Sunday nights.

I change the playlist on my phone whenever your favorite song comes on so I don't accidentally listen to it too much.

I act like I am completely unbothered by criticism, but a single harsh comment can ruin my entire week.

I spend hours watching videos of people cleaning extremely dirty carpets with high-pressure extractors.