I took a job in management just to get out of doing manual technical work, and now I hate meetings even more.

I know your favorite song by heart because you played it during a road trip three years ago and I never stopped listening to it.

I still celebrate your birthday quietly by myself every year with a single slice of your favorite cake.

I told my dog he was a ferocious guard dog while he hid under the couch from a vacuum cleaner.

I saw my coworker’s spouse on Hinge. I didn’t say anything, but I matched with them using a fake profile just to see how far they’d take it.

I kept your old hoodie, and on cold winter nights, it still smells faintly like your laundry detergent.

I rejected a higher offer from a top startup because their Glassdoor reviews warned about toxic micromanagement.

My gym crush asked for my number today, but he doesn’t know I’m the anonymous account that’s been sending his girlfriend evidence of his flirting.

I took a lower-stress role with less pay just so I could stop having stress-induced migraines every Sunday evening.

I missed my childhood friend's wedding because I couldn't afford the flight, and we haven't talked since.

My neighbor’s husband came to my door at midnight asking for a jump-start. His collar was smeared with red lipstick, and his wife has been out of state since Tuesday.

I told my girlfriend I was working late. I was actually sitting in my car eating a full pizza in complete silence.

I eat a bowl of honey-glazed popcorn mixed with chocolate chips while watching sad romance movies.

Our office manager caught two employees locked inside the supply room after hours and pretended she didn't see anything.

I found a lost wallet with $200 cash inside five years ago, kept the money, and dropped the empty wallet in a storm drain.